


There were good parts.

by BirthrightSoup



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Crying, Dead Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen), Gen, Not Beta Read, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-16
Updated: 2019-04-16
Packaged: 2020-01-14 19:55:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18483265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BirthrightSoup/pseuds/BirthrightSoup
Summary: An old school school assignment brings up some painful memories for Zoe.





	There were good parts.

She's only got a few weeks until she's leaving and as scary as it is Zoe has to pack for college. So she spends the day putting stuff into boxes and going through her stuff so she can decide what to take with her.

She finds a box in her closet full of her childhood school work. She finds some joy in looking at the scribblly artwork and old assignments. One of the assignments she comes across is something she wrote in the second grade. The title is “My best friend”.  
Her handwriting is a little hard to decipher but she can still manage to read it.

My best friend is my older brother Connor.  
He's nice and he plays with me and I want to be just like him when I get bigger. We're gonna be best friends forever even when we grow up and live in our own houses. Connor protects me when Im scared and he's the best older brother in the world.

Zoe feels a lump in her throat. None of this ended up being true. She isn't going to be best friends with Connor when they grow up because Connor isn't going to grow up and when he was alive they were a million words apart. The friendship she shared with Connor ended long before he died. She does remember all the good times, the shared jokes and secrets they had. How she'd follow her brother around like a lost puppy and how he hadn't minded. Before Connor was the monster who was angry at the world and ruined her life he had been her best friend, the best brother she could ask for. She had loved him so much and he had loved her too. She'd always miss that Connor. The one who was a good person.

Tears fall on to the paper in her hands. She misses the good parts of Connor even if it's been so long since she she's seen them.  
The sad truth is that she'll never see them again. Because Connor died and never got a chance to get better. She didn't get a chance to fix the broken relationship she had with her brother. Maybe if her parents had done more or she had done more, if anyone had done more to help Connor. If was still here maybe everything that was broken could have been fixed.

For the first time in quite a while Zoe cries for her brother, for what could have been. Despite everything that happened he's always going to be her first best friend. He's the only sibling she’ll ever have and he's gone and she can’t do anything about it.  
She doesn't want the loss of the brother who was so awful to her to hurt like this. But she can’t forget about the years of close friendship she'd shared with him. She can remember that there was a time Connor knew her better than anyone else. 

It's easy to remember the bad parts of Connor, it makes everything easier to think about how many awful things are gone from her life now that he's gone. The good parts of Connor hurt to remember, they hurt so damn badly so Zoe tries not to think of them. But that stupid assignment from second grade is making them all come flooding back and causing a flood of tears from her.For once instead of pushing away the good memories Zoe remembers them. She ends up an absolute sobbing wreck for a while but eventually the memories make her smile.


End file.
